On the Contrary

Growing up my crew always joked around and said I was “Emo Mike.” Contrary to popular belief, I don’t think I’m that “emo” at all. Just ask my wife. She’ll tell you that I’m very stoic, rarely displaying any emotions. It’s a fault of mine, one she wishes would change. Who knows, maybe back in my youth I was in fact way more emotional then than I am now. Maybe it’s from talking to a psychologist when I was a teen, talking through my angers and frustrations that I’m still not comfortable putting into print, yet speak openly about when I speak and present at conferences. Maybe it’s that I found ways in adulthood to deal with my mental health and take care of myself. Or maybe it’s just that as I aged I’ve believed that I need to hide away any emotions to be the leader our staff looks to, the husband my wife needs as a partner, or the father my children deserve as their role model. Wow, as I’m writing this opening paragraph I’m realizing that maybe there is more that I need to address, but that’s for another blog down the road…maybe.

I’m not a crier, not in the slightest. Over the past 10 years, I can honestly recall every time I’ve shed a tear or two. Many of these times could have been full-on waterworks, but I’ve always been very good at pulling it back once a tear escapes and crawls down my flushed cheek. Today, I want to share with you three of the times I’ve cried. The first being October 13, 2013. This was the day I completed my first full, 26.2 marathon. I made many sacrifices during my 18-week training. I had also let down some of those closest to me throughout these weeks. Once I crossed the finish line emotion overtook and tears gushed down my face. I was full of emotion. Emotion of accomplishing a goal that I had doubted. Emotion of the sacrifices I made when it came to my family and friends. Emotion of the hurt that I had caused to those that meant the most to me. Emotion of the fact that regardless of my faults and mistakes I still had the love and support of those individuals. That first marathon was not just an accomplishment of running 26.2 miles in 4:02:03, but an accomplishment in me realizing what kind of person I was, who I wanted to be, and what I needed to do to become that individual. 

Fast forward to October 9, 2022. I was now running my sixth Chicago Marathon. Prior to this one, the last time I ran 26.2 miles was in 2019. I had very high expectations going into the 2022 race. I wanted to earn a PR over my fastest marathon time of 3:55:53, which was earned in 2014. I was focused, going into training knowing that I would have many early mornings by myself and the pavement and many evenings sacrificing a social life. I was completely fine with these sacrifices as getting back into a competitive runner against myself is something I’ve been yearning for many years. 

The beginning of training was great! I wasn’t missing any runs or workouts and I wasn’t missing any of the summer social evening events as I thought I would. It’s an amazing thing when one is dedicated to self-improvement how the benefits outweigh what is being given up. But then it happened, an injury. I’ve been a runner my entire life and injuries are part of the game. Typically, I have always been able to work around them, to continue to train in a way that the injury still heals yet I’m not losing any progress. This injury was different. Maybe it’s that I’m older now at 42, or maybe it’s just that it was a new form of tendonitis I’ve never experienced, but this one put me down for about two weeks. I couldn’t run at all, which is a pretty major setback when training for a marathon in which you will be running. I rested my leg, bedazzled it up with KT Tape, and focused on some upper body strength training. I told myself that if I was at least lifting weights I was still getting stronger and prepared for the marathon. 

Once I was able to run again the training plan was back on. This injury happened about mid-July. My running resumed approximately the beginning of August. This month went well as I was hitting pretty much every run. I noticed my long runs were tough and I started to reevaluate my goals. At this point I knew I wasn’t going to get that PR, so I instead started telling myself that I wanted to be faster than my last marathon in 2019, which was 4:17:34. 

Things were going well until I needed to go get my labs done for my six-month checkup on my cholesterol. Feel free to read about this issue in my blog “High Cholesterol.” The labs went great, and all of my numbers were finally down into “Normal” ranges, the first time in about two years! But there was another problem, my blood pressure was sky-high. This wasn’t anything new, but the fact I was running 26.2 miles in less than a month was a concern for the doctor. Actually, I kind of brought it upon myself. My wife had told me she wanted me “cleared to run” since I was now older, had some health issues, and my blood pressure was being monitored for the past six months with no meds. 

The doctor ordered an EKG right there based on my blood pressure numbers. It showed an arrhythmia. She looked at me and said, “I don’t think I can clear you to run just yet. I want you to get an echocardiogram and see a cardiologist. If they find everything ok you’ll be good to run.” 

The next night I got the echocardiogram and saw the cardiologist two days later. Turns out I have not one, but two leaky valves. He said they’re both minor and typically I wouldn’t even have known had it not been for the echocardiogram. He still couldn’t give me the clearance as he wanted me to undergo a stress test first. We got it scheduled for October 4, 2022, just five days before the 2022 Chicago Marathon. 

The results of the stress test were good. Turns out I have some abnormal beat, but during exercise and then rest everything elevates and returns like it should, even the abnormality. I got the clearance to run and was told to follow back up in three months. So, with five days to go, I’m told I can run 26.2 miles with some stipulations. 1. Any chest pains stop running. 2. Any dizziness or lightheadedness stop running. 3. If my BP reaches over 175 stop running. Great news…but what about the last month I was holding back? 

I went into the 2022 Chicago Marathon with an entirely new outlook, one I’ve never had before any race of any distance I’ve ever done. My goal was simply to take everything in, the crowd, the city, and just enjoy the race, the experience, and finish. I sat down with my amazing wife, and my informal coach (read about that here), and came up with the game plan for this marathon. 

I started off conservatively, not running my typical race pace. I wanted to simply feel comfortable for the first 13.1 miles. The goal was to coast through the first half and then, if I felt good, begin to push it the last half. As I began something was different. My legs felt as if they were encased in concrete casts from the souls of my feet to the top of my quads. My hips were sore. Already. I’ve just begun running! I attested it to the dialed-back training the last month due to all of the medical tests I was undergoing. Still, I ran, conservatively, that first 13.1 miles. I felt good. I knew I was not going to get a PR, but, if I could keep this pace I would finish in a respectable time. As I passed the halfway mark I saw my beautiful wife up a little way on my left, pushed right against the spectator barrier. This was not uncommon, we’ve always been able to meet around 13.1 miles every Chicago Marathon I’ve run. But today was different. Before I reached her my eyes began to swell with tears. I glided into her embrace, we shared a kiss, and with a cracking voice I said, “I’m feeling really good!” I kissed her again and was off. As I continued on the next two miles I thought about why I got so emotional when seeing her? The answer I came up with was that my wife, my best friend, and the greatest mother I’ve ever met, has always supported me and stood by my side. Through the marathon training yes, but throughout life. All relationships have their ups and downs, and through it all, she was always been there for me. For that, I am forever grateful. 

I continued my sexy pace until mile 15. This is where I hit my “marathon wall.” This was pretty early for me, usually, it’s anywhere between miles 18-22. 15 is early in a marathon, there are still 11.2 miles to go! I also looked down at my watch to see my heart rate right at that level where I was told to not let it go above. So I began walking. 

It felt good to walk for a few. I caught my breath and my heart rate crept back down. The only problem was, every time I began running again, my heart rate immediately darted back up to No Man’s Land. I texted my wife, my coach, and she encouraged me to look after myself first. Just run/walk if I had to. And that’s exactly what I did for the remainder of the race. 

If I told you that finishing was the only option I’d be lying. Around mile 18 I really considered stopping at the next aid station and catching an ambulance ride to the finish line. But then I thought of my kids, and they were counting on me to finish this marathon. Then I thought of all of those in my crew that helped to donate to Autism Speaks, the charity I was fundraising for. They were counting on me to finish this marathon. Then I thought of my wife. She was counting on me to do my best and finish this marathon, regardless of time. Then I thought of myself. I had told myself before I crossed that starting line and began my GPS watch that I didn’t care about time. And time was exactly why I wanted to quit. I was in my own head about how long this marathon would take me to complete. Then, I remembered why I started this journey, for myself, and how my goal, my only goal before we began this morning, was to finish. And not die. 

I crossed the finish line in 5:06:01. As soon as my left foot crossed that threshold, my eyes once again filled with tears. I held it together as I walked to receive my Finisher’s Medal, heat blanket, and 312 Wheat Ale! As one of the amazing volunteers began to place my medal around my neck and say, “Congratulations!” I could barely mutter, “Thank you.” 

This marathon was by far the slowest I’ve run 26.2 miles, but, it was my most emotional and proudest. I was overcome with emotions because I never gave up. I kept going despite all of the pain and voices in my head pleading to stop. I kept pushing on even after the setbacks, physical and mental, that I had experienced during training. I was overcome with emotion because I set a goal for myself and I made sure that despite everything I was up against I crossed that finish line. The 2022 Chicago Marathon was definitely the most personally rewarding one I have ever completed. 

It’s important to always remember that we are our own competition. We can’t worry about how much faster or stronger someone else is. This is true not only in a marathon but in life. It’s up to us to be better today than ourselves of yesterday. Although my wife, my informal coach, will say that I need to retire from the marathon, I have some goals for me that I need to accomplish. 

***

Please check out my latest book, The EduCulture Cookbook: Recipes & Dishes to Positively Impact Classroom & School Culture with EduMatch Books.