Pandemic Evaluation Blues

Welp, I had my evaluation this week…

Normally, I’m not the person that gets worried about or is all that concerned with my evaluation and the process. I’m the teacher who says “come in whenever” and “it doesn’t matter what period.” That might be because in my role I’ve spent the last four years working with teachers through tough evaluations, classroom inadequacy meetings, and coaching them through the evaluation rubric so I know the system pretty well. I’m also confident in my abilities as a teacher and I am one to shake off bumps in the road as an educator as they come. That being said, after my evaluation this year I kinda felt like a garbage teacher.

I mean, it went well enough. My kids were engaged, they worked together and collaborated, I juggled my remote and in-person students fine, and most importantly we all kept our masks on the entire time. But as soon as the period ended and my evaluator left my room I couldn’t help but feel bummed about the whole thing. Like, I know that any other year not marred by a global pandemic it would have gone pretty darn good but it just bums me out that this year is, well, this year and it went okay.

And there in lies the problem. It was just…okay. I’m having some trouble shaking the funk of a mediocre year and what feels to me like mediocre teaching.

My evaluation was supposed to be last week but it got pushed to this week instead. But remember, I’m the guy who says “come in whenever” so I wasn’t bothered by it. My evaluator was going to see me share a presentation, work on some graphing with my students, and some discussion but instead they got to see me attempt a lesson I normally do with small groups and shared resources in a whole different setting…social distancing, some of my kids virtual, and no shared resources. Way to take a risk right?

It’s an activity I do every year in my econ classes. The kids use play-doh to make goods during four production “years” to measure their GDP growth and inflation. They get to play and review a units worth of economic concepts all in one silly activity. This year though, I had to navigate the whole reality of pandemic teaching. Even though I think it was successful, I’ve been stewing in this “meh” feeling about the whole thing for the last 48 hours.

Just to be clear, this isn’t the fault of my evaluator. He left me a good note after the class and shared his evidence and another note yesterday that were all pretty positive. But I can’t help but be bummed about it. Knowing that it could have been better. That I am better.

So I guess I have to practice what I preach. We talk a lot about supporting our crew, lifting each other up, and giving those we lead and work with some grace. I have to remember that I am part of my crew too. I have to give my self some love, grace, and kudos for managing a year like this. My students did an activity where they were able to dive into some heavy economic concepts, do some equations, make a graph, and all of this while having some fun and during a global pandemic where we can’t share supplies and some of them are online. It wasn’t perfect and that’s okay. On Monday when I meet with my evaluator for my post conference, we’ll reflect, talk about what I would do different, and then put this evaluation and hopefully this year that has been “just fine” in the realm of teaching away.

Maybe you already had your evaluation or yours is coming up. Maybe you got some grace from your evaluator and maybe you didn’t. The one thing we can work on though is lifting our selves up, recognizing that we deserve a little love and grace from ourselves. I’ve just gotta keep that PMA going and remember that this year, this lesson, this blah feeling doesn’t define who I am as an educator. I hope you can keep that in mind if you’re rocking those pandemic evaluation blues too.